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Uncle Dan

[ website | Apathy Perfected ]
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Just a test... [31 Oct 2012|01:00am]
[ mood | drained ]

This is checking to make sure Facebook isn't still monitoring this LJ account. 

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Still at the VA. [11 Apr 2010|10:07am]
[ mood | blah ]

Still there, still in the kitchen. Less fun after almost a year.

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Working. [11 May 2009|08:42pm]
I worked my first day at my new job at the Sioux Falls VA Hospital today. It was physically exhausting, but mentally and emotionally wonderful. My co-worker's are great, and the work is so fast-paced that I didn't even notice that I was tired until I got into the car after work. I love it, and the pay is pretty good, while the benefits are simply awesome.
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NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!! [29 Jan 2009|11:37pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

So, anyway, there I was, surfing the intarwebs, when I came across something that was so very brilliant, so mind-blowingly genius, that I just had to share it with everyone. Someone out there combined two of my interesting list of favorite things. Candy, and bondage gear. It's... So.... Beautiful... www.stockroom.com/Jawbreaker-Gag-P3080.aspx

Yes, I'm weird. And yes, I do search for new and interesting bondage gear and sex toys for fun. DON'T JUDGE ME! 

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News [29 Sep 2008|01:22am]
I am engaged, and moving to Sioux Falls. My betrothed will be moving in with me. Eventually, we will be trying to get a house. Would be nice to have all the kids living with us. I am currently trying to get a job with Sioux Falls' VA Hospital. Dad works there, and may help me out with it. Tris is doing well in the first grade, despite missing a few days already for health issues. Poor kid has some bad health issues. But, he's tough. And takes most of it in stride. Mom blew up her car, a couple of weeks after I did the same to my car. Oh well. Material possessions always tend to do that, so they aren't worth wasting time thinking about. All in all, life is going pretty well. That is all. Have a nice day.
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Ouch... [03 Aug 2008|08:32pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Ok, crunch time is coming. *Bangs head on desk* Four Cons are coming down the pipe, and I don't have a new job yet. MileHi 40 is out in Denver, which is expensive as shit for me, but Jim Butcher is going to be there. Seriously, I have to get at least one of my books signed... This coming MAGE Con is going to be free, but that's just $30 I won't have to spend, of the usual $300 it costs to attend these cons. *Twitch* And Nuke, that's gonna be a bit of trouble to make it to. Of course, NanoCon is the cheapest for me to attend. No hotel room needed, and it's free to get in. *Shrugs* So, I won't worry about Nano. *Grumbles* I may have to neg on Nuke this year, unless something special is happening. I didn't get my dose of Denver last year, so I am going to try to make it to MileHi.

But, before all of this happens, I need to get on the stick, and get a better job. And a cat.

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Steampunk Fun! [31 Jul 2008|12:17am]

Your result for The Steampunk Style Test...

The Ragamuffin

11% Elegant, 55% Technological, 7% Historical, 48% Adventurous and 60% Playful!

You are the Ragamuffin, the embodiment of steampunk playfulness. Chances are, you approach the genre from a much more casual and lighthearted standpoint than most other fans. To you, there is always an element of play inherent in the genre, and you may very well enjoy fashion as much for the opportunity to dress up as for the style itself. You probably wear goggles as an accessory, and rarely as actual eye-protection. Your outfits are likely to incorporate a lot of brown or cream, and combine large boots, Victorian corsets or vests, aviator caps or bowler hats, and gypsy skirts or slacks, simply because you like them all.

Try our other Steampunk test here.

Take The Steampunk Style Test at HelloQuizzy

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I broke yet another quiz..... [10 Jul 2008|09:09pm]

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Error Message

61% Anxiety and 44% Avoidance!

You seem to have fallen through a tiny crack in my scoring system. Stand by. I'm working on it.

Take The Attachment Style Test at HelloQuizzy

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Quizzie Fun! [23 Jun 2008|11:52pm]
LiveJournal Username
Your Primary Super Power
Location of Head Quarters
Primary Costume/Uniform Colors
Why are you a Superhero?
Your Superheroic Codename
The veteran grim member of the teamtiewaz_thurisa
The sexist and crass but annoyingly effective onecrazy_angel69
The bright-eyed novice or sidekicksillyme2004
The teammate that will eventually go evil or insantiewaz_thurisa
The inept yet determined/reoccurring supervillainlostchyld
The sinister Arch-Villain and team's greatest foehugin_munnin
The perky civilian that keeps getting kidnappedhugin_munnin
How often does your team actually 'save the day'?
This Fun Quiz created by Shannon at BlogQuiz.Net
Virgo Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

My Pagan Practice
Pagan Faith Practices Survey created by Otherworld Apothecary
Full Results:
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Changes and whatnots. [10 Jun 2008|05:01am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Well, I am on new anti-depressants. Evidently, Effexor is no longer being produced. The patent expired. So now, I am on something new called "Prestiq". Sounds rather pompous, but oh well. Since I am given doses on a weekly basis, which covers my case managers ass if I do something silly with my pills, and makes sure I return once a week, I am going to have to turn in the doses of Effexor I have left. I think my case manager is going to be upset with me when I do that, because there have been points in taking Effexor that I have rationed myself, so I could build up a nice stockpile. Just in case I don't feel like showing up to my appointments for a couple of weeks. So, those are going to be turned in. *Sighs* The next couple of months are going to be irritating. The Effexor has to get out of my system, and I have to build up the levels of Prestiq. Ugh, I hate even typing the name of that stuff.

Anyway, in other news, I have gotten a friend of mine a job at the gas station I work at. She's learning the job well. I kind of feel bad, because the job sucks, and the pay sucks. But, it's a job. And in today's economy, anything is better than nothing I guess. I am still dinking around, looking for ANYTHING else to do as work. Unfortunately, I have some hang-ups when it comes to completing and turning in the applications. Hates it I does. *Sighs* I should really get off of my ass and change my situation. Changes don't just happen, I know, I know. I give other people the same advice, and then ignore it myself.

Anyway, I'm done here. Night all.

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Epiphany. No, not really. [24 May 2008|02:21am]
It has occurred to me that in order to move forward, I have to let some things go. As such, I am drifting farther and farther away from a good number of the friends I have made here in Madison, and some refuse outright to even speak to me for reason I am either fully aware of, or not aware of at this moment. Those people aren't really friends, are they? Anyway, it seems I am going to have a long road ahead of me before I am able to make my move away from this place. So, I thought I should try to analyze what is going on around me. Take stock of what I have, so I don't screw something up. Again. Anyone wanna yell me some advice, go ahead.
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Ky [19 May 2008|02:55am]
Well, the ex stopped over tonight. We talked for a while, and then she made the mistake of telling me to be honest. So, I was honest. I could see her trying to fight with herself about whether or not to start an argument that she had no ammo for. In the end, I think I regained a bit of my lost self, the lost confidence when as she was leaving, I reminded her of something I said at the beginning of our relationship. I reminded her that no matter who she had found to fuck in this backwater town, I was still the best man here. I wouldn't hit her, lie to her, or abuse her with words. She left without saying anything. Just a quick hug, and she was gone. i still have feelings for her, and probably will until I find someone else I can lose myself in. Not the healthiest way to go through life, but it's the only way I know how to live. I give of myself until I find someone that will accept me, and give something back. *Shrugs* I know I'm not as hard as I was when I first started this back in '01. I grew, and learned that hard isn't always right.
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Today was... Odd [15 May 2008|12:06am]
Well, how to begin. I woke up around 11:30 PM last night, and dinked around online for a while. Not really accomplishing anything, but it was entertaining to a point. Went back to sleep after reading some Star Wars RPG source books, and playing around making a character. Not that I know anyone geeky enough to play that around here. Went back to sleep at about 6:30 AM. Woke up a little bit before my alarm went off at 1:30 PM today, still half-remembering some odd dreams that set the tone for the day. I stumbled about getting dressed, and getting ready for my appointment with my case manager.

When she arrived and picked me up to go back to her office, she could tell I was distracted, and began pestering me about my foul mood. Asking if I had been taking my medication, and trying to crack jokes to get a smile out of me. The dreams still had a firm grip on my mood, but I couldn't really figure out what they had been about. Other than the fact that even my subconscious thinks I'm a loser. After a few minutes of talking in her office, she mentioned that I seemed hopeless. Like my entire outlook on life had gone downhill. She handed me a small supply of my pills, being careful to make sure I wasn't stockpiling a deadly amount, since after a year and a half of taking the damned things I was still considered high risk.

She asked if I was having financial troubles, which finally got a laugh out of me. Then she asked if I really wanted to be having the same conversation with her a year from now. I pointed out that unless something drastic changed, it would always be the same conversation, and very little would change. She quoted Albert Einstein to me, his quote about insanity being someone doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. I then pointed out to her that Einstein may have been a genius in the realm of physics, but when it came to life, a person rarely gets the same results from doing the same thing over and over again. Even something as simple as the weather can change outcomes of actions drastically. She shook her head, and muttered something about me being too smart for my own good.

I took that opportunity to point out that ignorance is bliss. I live in an apartment building that is used by the local mentally handicapped assistance company as a dumping ground for their more socially acceptable clients. So I see and interact with the mentally handicapped on a daily basis. I pointed out that very few of them have to deal with depression. They are happy, and too honest to be able to fake it very well. My case manager then pointed out that a good number of the world's suicides tend to be by more intelligent people. After a bit more conversation, I think she decided that I was going to be able to survive until my next appointment, and she dropped me off so I could ready to go to work.

At work, it was confirmed that I work with idiots. Complete idiots. The tills were a mess, and someone there can't seem to be able to tell the difference between diet soda, and regular. It's a job that a trained monkey can do, and these people still can't get it right. I'm tired of fixing other people's stupid mistakes, especially when I get paid little more than current minimum wage. I'm tired of the life I am living. It's exhaustion that no amount of rest can fix. I would blame some occurrence in my life for it, but the blame lies simply with myself. Not focused enough, and not driven enough. Somehow, I let my motivation for living leave me behind. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that my son deserves a father. Almost any father is better than none. Almost.

I have an appointment for the 5th of June to see the psychiatrist, and talk to him about fixing my lack of motivation. Hopefully there is some chemical substance out there that can make me want to live again. Bring some focus back, and try this crap again. Maybe some ADD medication will help. And an increase in the anti-depressants. He set my anti-psychotic meds to such a variable amount that I pretty much controll that on my own. Heh, damned near lost it when I ran out of those last time, though, so I am going to have to be more careful about not missing case management appointments. Meh, I've babbled enough.
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No rhymes, no meters. [04 May 2008|11:31pm]
[ mood | devious ]

Savage, barbaric, sadistic, wicked, deviant.
Honorable, protective, sweet, warm, loving.
How can one person be so different?

A jester's cap distracts from the sage's eyes.
Wisdom disguised by humor, sadness put on display.
All covered by the infectious smile.

A killer's soul, a victim's heart.
The two rip apart the man.
The need is hidden by nature.

When do the Fates cut loose the tapestry?
Can someone have a future when they are already dead?
Or are they simply trapped in a living purgatory?

The blood, long since washed away.
The hands, never knowing an angry touch.
The scars, visible reminders of pain, never to be forgotten.

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Looking forward, finally. [28 Apr 2008|12:22am]
[ mood | determined ]

Hope. Sometimes, it's the little things in life that can give a person hope. Sometimes, it's an epiphany. Either way, it's nice to know that hope is still alive.

I went to MAGE Con this weekend. Had some fun, reconnected with some good friends. And made a decision. I decided that I am going to move to Omaha to continue any education I am going to pursue. Too many good friends in Omaha hoping for me to do well,  and too many  missed chances living in this wretched town. But, there is something I need to finish here in Madison. I need to finish getting something from DSU. Even something as trivial as an Associate Degree in General Education. So, I looked up the requirements for an AS in Gen Ed. I need one class. One, simple, class. Some form of Sociology. That's when it hit me. I can do this. I work and save for a few months, and then I pay for the one class on my own. Shouldn't be more than a grand. If I save enough, I can work part-time while I do the class. If not, I may be able to find an online version of the class. Either way, I can do this. I can do this one class. Good standing or not, it doesn't matter what my GPA is if I have finished the requirements of a degree. And then DSU is nothing more than a memory. I can start over, from a position of power. I will be a degree-holding student, from a nationally accredited state university.

Another thing to remember about moving from Madison to Omaha. I can rediscover all of those friendships I have lost over the years. And I can become closer to the friends I have made recently. I can find a job that I could actually enjoy. I will be able to recover some parts of my life that I have neglected in the past two years. I could fix things. Not in someone else, but in my own life, something that I have needed to concentrate on for a long, long, time. No more fixing some poor downtrodden and broken woman that will simply use me up until I am useless to her. I have needs of my own that have gone overlooked for FAR too long. Strength comes from hope. And sometimes, all a person needs is a little strength.

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Unknown emotions. [08 Mar 2008|08:31pm]
How to explain how I feel. I can't, really. I don't have the word for it. I feel like I am emotionally numb inside, but it's just a cover for a deeper rage and horrible sadness. I know I have friends that love me, but I feel a loneliness so fuckin' deep, it tries to take over my life. I can't fall asleep with friends. I can't hold a friend, let them know everything will turn out fine, and kiss them better. And yet, I don't know where I would be without my friends. The only people that will put up with my bullshit.

I know you poor bastards only get to hear from me when I'm not doing so well, but, that's the only time I really ever type out how I feel. I don't need to get happiness out, I know how to deal with that. And have found many ways of destroying it. *Shrugs* I could try to type more when I am doing well. Meh.
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Wow... [06 Mar 2008|11:57pm]
bedroom toys
Powered By Adult Toys

I could soooo do that for a living...
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2001: Year of Change [01 Feb 2008|02:20pm]
So, anyway. A few of the people on my FList have been doing this Meme-thing in which you give them the year you were born, and they give you a year in your lifetime to write about. blaizewind told me to write about 2001. Lots of stuff happened. See if I can summarize.

In January, I had just moved to Watertown to be with Gena, a woman who was bearing my child. We had no money, no place to live, we were staying with her sister, and neither of us had jobs. I had no idea what I was going to do about this coming bundle of joy. I was terrified, for pretty good reason. I was just fine making my way on my own. I had no way of supporting a family just yet, though. So, I descended into myself, just barely surviving, trying to be supportive of Gena, even though she wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary to deserve support. It should have been evident at that point that we didn't love each other. But, what could we do?

Tristan was born Feb. 7 of that year, two years before my 20th birthday. I was a father. I was overjoyed. I was so proud of this little creature that seemed so very tiny. Of course, when he slept, and I had time to think, I was still terrified. I couldn't find work, my job history sucked, bouncing from one part-time job to the next does nothing for your job history. I took care of Tris as much as possible, because I wanted to spend so much time with him, and also because Gena didn't do very much for him. Another sign of things to come. We all moved back in with my Dad, and he was so very proud of his grandson. I spent as much time as I could with him, while talking to the only people that would hire me. Recruiters for the US Navy. They were confident that after a psych eval, I would be accepted into the Navy. Yet more foreshadowing of things to come. I worked out to meet weight requirements, and got the psych eval. It took two more months before I went through M.E.P.s in Sioux Falls. I arrived at Basic Training on June 20th, 2001.

I was placed in a Division of 100 other recruits, all trying to just get through Basic. We were beaten down, broken down, and trained up. I graduated Basic on August 23rd, in the best shape of my life. Gena said she would find a way to be there for my graduation, but of course, she didn't show. I was sent off to my advanced training, and life got even more hectic. I was sending money back to my Dad, for Tristan and Gena. That set up seemed to work well. Of course, Gena always complained, because Dad would not take care of Tristan, and he wouldn't baby-sit him. He expected Gena to actually be Tristan's mother. Silly man. I graduated at the top of my class in almost every subject I was taught. I breezed through Naval Engineering classes, became a Fireman in the Navy, and went on to my "A" school. And, to help Tristan and Gena get Navy health insurance, I got married to her.

It was basically a mock ceremony on November 4th, 2001. I was in my Dress Blues, and she was in a skirt. I had already bought her ring a while ago, and I bought my ring at a pawn shop. She still didn't have a job.

I continued to do well in the military, knowing I was doing it all for my son. At the end of the year, I was a Fireman Apprentice in the Navy, my wife and son were living with my father, who I trusted to take care of the finances I sent him. Everything was going well.

Except that everything hinged on my son being taken care of in my absence. I didn't know that in just under a year, everything was going to be different.

So kids, give me your date of birth, and I will respond with a year you shall write about. Have fun.
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Meme-thing stolen from blaizewind. [11 Dec 2007|09:02pm]
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:(first pet, current car): Chuin Tempo

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Peanut Butter Combat Boots

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): Black Wolf

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born in): Thomas SiouxCity

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Robda

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (The 2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Silver Mountain Dew

7. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers): Ronny Ellis

8. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Sandlewood Twix

10. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Crow Chicago

11. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Fall Bleeding Heart

12. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Strawberry Boxers

13. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Cold Pizza Oak
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[31 Oct 2007|02:06pm]
Wow it's been a while since I posted here. A lot has changed. I am no longer single, I am working on passing the classes I can save, and I am working on a couple different projects, and succeeding. I am happy, and it's a good feeling. I suppose I should go into a bit of detail....

As far as not being single anymore, I am with Kyla. Some of you may have heard me talk a bit about her. She's 19, with some of her own problems. We both have had similar childhoods, and we both appreciate some of the same things. We have different tastes in music, but we are both passionate enough about music in general to enjoy the stuff we both play. She grew up around stoners and such, so she likes Nirvana and stuff like it a bit much, and I giggled when Cobain shot himself...  Either way, we know the music. And we both cherish our moments together... But, we both notice that neither one of us really wants to do anything else but cuddle when we are around each other, so we don't get much done. And we both have a lot to do.

As far as school, I am working harder on passing Trig and Calc. Bio is a wash. No chance there. Not too worried. I may end up losing my financial aid for next semester, and the one after, but I'm not too worried. I will pay for 6 of my own credits. And then they give me my financial aid back. Because they are pricks and bureaucrats. But, anyway, yeah. I can pay for six credits. And then be done with this probation shit.

Projects I am working on is getting SiS to NanoCon, and getting my pills regulated. NanoCon is pretty much done, as far as my part. I will be at the Playhouse from 4 PM till whenever I can leave. Hopefully, I will have time to set up my own stuff. As far as the pills go, I am doing well. Got my meds back yesterday. Have been taking them, and got some good sleep last night. Maybe even too much sleep.

In other news, it seems to be Samhain. Halloween for some of you. I plan on going out, and collecting candy. Lots of candy. Lots and lots of candy. And then a bit of a ritual afterwards, maybe. Tell me how you guys are doing this Halloween. I love stories.
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